Happy New Year from the farm! What an end to 2022! We had so many plans for a New Year post and pictures of our donkeys in their New Year headbands, but mother nature had other plans for us! Here in northern California, home of the perpetual drought we have been experiencing brutal winter storms...for California. I would never compare our situation to real winters! We spent New Year's Eve at our friends across the street who were experiencing extreme flooding.

Another year came and went, and we still are without the baby we have prayed so hard for. The holidays are hard, especially Christmas. We use to love shopping for family and for each other, and the heavy sadness has made it difficult to find the joy in the season that we use to have. While it was tough, we made the best of it! We cooked a lovely dinner for Daniel's parents and enjoyed a lovely day with them. This year wasn't as hard as last year, not because we have accepted our situation, but because we have made a commitment to find the as much joy as we can while we wait for our miracle. I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I am in a fertility group run by Aimee Raupp (I strongly suggest coaching with her team if you are also struggling to conceive) that has a series of lessons and meditations meant to put someone like me struggling through my sadness, in a positive headspace. One of my favorite things I have heard her say is that, "You are exactly where you are supposed to be." It isn't always easy being where you are supposed to be. But I have taken this phrase and applied it to all things in life. My struggle is fertility and all of the stress, anxiety, and sadness that brings me. Your struggle may be different. Regardless, I believe with that whatever the challenge we are all exactly where we are supposed to be. Challenge helps us grow and learn so that when what we deserve is ready for us, we are ready too.

My word for this year is Surrender. I went back and forth between surrender and intentional, but I felt led to the word surrender. In meditation, in prayer I could feel the Lord asking me for this. Asking me to trust him, to let go over controlling outcomes and let him work in my life. Being a type A person, this is really hard, but I am leaning into what feels good. It feels good to trust and let go. Surrendering my dreams, my fears, my stresses will allow me to be intentional in the decisions I make. It feels good to trust and allow the Lord to work in my life. This is what I am working on in 2023 - Surrendering and accepting that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

What is your word for 2023 and what are you working towards?

I am always working towards making a human kids with my husband and blooming where I am planted.